Here are some standard responses to come-ons.
"Don't you love me?"
"I love you enough to say no."
"If you really loved me, you would."
"If you really loved me, you wouldn't ask. If you love somebody, you don't pressure them to do something they don't want to do."
"Listen, everybody's doing it."
"Everybody but me."
"Really, everybody's doing it."
"Then you shouldn't have any trouble finding somebody else."
"Don't you find me attractive?"
"I find you very attractive. I like you a lot — that's why I don't want to wreck our relationship by getting too physical."
"I'll use protection."
"You can still become pregnant or get an STD even with protection. And there's no condom for the heart."
"I'll stop whenever you say."
"How about right now?"
"I love you."
"Then prove it by respecting my values."
"What are you waiting for?"
"The person I'm going to marry."
"Are you repressed or something?"
"No, I'm free — from the pressure to have sex."
"I want to show you that I love you."
"Then respect my decision not to have sex."
"Look, sex is no big deal."
"Yeah, well, it's a big deal to me, a big deal to my future husband (wife), and a big deal to God. Besides, I made a promise to wait."
"You owe it to me."
"I don't owe you anything."
Thomas & Judy Lickona with William Boudreau, M.D. "Comebacks to the Standard 'Lines'" from Sex, Love, and You: Making the Right Decision (Notre Dame, Indiana: Ave Maria Press, 2003), 7-10; 151-155; 156-169.
Reprinted with permission of the authors. Order Sex, Love, and You: Making the Right Decision here.
Thomas Lickona, Ph.D., is a psychologist and educator who has been called "the father of modern character education." A professor of education emeritus at State University of New York, Cortland, he is the founding director of his university's Center for the Fourth and Fifth Rs (Respect and Responsibility) and author of nine books on moral development and character education. He is the author of How to Raise Kind Kids: And Get Respect, Gratitude, and a Happier Family in the Bargain, Character Matters: How to Help Our Children Develop Good Judgment, Integrity, and Other Essential Virtues and the Christopher Award-winning book Educating for Character. He has also written Raising Good Children and co-authored Sex, Love and You. He is on the Advisory Board of the Catholic Education Resource Center. Visit his web site here.
Judith Lickona is a mother and homemaker. She and her husband Tom speak together to teenagers and their parents on the subjects of sex, faith, and respect for life. .
William J. Boudreau, M.D., is a family physician who sees young people as part of his medical practice. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a doctor, he speaks to teens and young adults on the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases.Copyright © 2003 Thomas & Judy Lickona with William Boudreau, M.D.
back to top