Teaching Religious Education when the parents remain unengaged

Question #1:

I'm teaching RE to 2nd graders.  Fall semester we focus on Confession.  Spring Semester the focus is on Holy Eucharist. 

80% of the kids are participating well, and have parents who are practicing Catholics.  I want to talk about the 20% who are coming to RE each week, not learning their prayers, and being vocal about their parents not going to Mass on Sunday because they don't have time, they can't learn their prayers because they are too tired at night, and they're always going places etc...  (I never ask who is making Mass each Sunday and who isn't, the kids just blurt it out.)

I'm tired of teaching kids how to go through all the motions and "rules" only to have their parents undo everything at home.  These are the same kids who will never go to Mass again until Grandma brings them back to be confirmed.  When these kids do attend Mass 1-2 times a year, they are receiving communion, their parents are receiving communion and they don't think it's wrong.  In their mind, communion is for everyone, and it doesn't matter if they go each week or once a year.  In my mind this is a sacrilege, and I believe I'm participating in this because I'm not holding these kids back. 

Question: Should this be my decision to allow the kids to make First Communion, or is it the decision of the DRE or the pastor of our church?  Am I committing any sin, by allowing the kids to make First Holy Communion whose parents are not attending Mass regularly?  Thank you. — Laura

Question #2:

My wife and I both quit teaching CCD because we felt so compromised in teaching young children when their parents wouldn't even take them to Mass and wouldn't support the program by helping instruct the children at home.  The way the program was set up the expectation was clearly stated that the parents should at least take the children to Mass, but the parent's cooperation was not a condition for enrolling their children in the program.

It really seemed as if we were inoculating the kids against any real faith, by not expecting a minimum of support from the parents. — James

Response #1:

I don't think we should allow parents' failure to practice the faith dictate how we relate to their children.  I don't believe we are wasting our time when we teach kids who come from homes that apparently undercut what we are doing.  The thought that we are wasting our time might be a temptation from the devil; if he can discourage us, make us feel that we are wasting our time, then perhaps we will stop teaching them, and that's a victory for him.  I would argue that our role is to use the little time that we have with them to witness to the love of the faith and our love for the Lord.  To bar them from communion class, or to quit teaching the class, accomplishes nothing (just gives the devil what he wants). 

It is not we who accomplish anything anyways; the Lord can anoint our words and inspire these kids with non-practicing parents in an instant, and it may very well turn out that we won't see them again until Confirmation, and then again when they are adults, but if the Lord is present there in that catechism class, those kids will remember that in the depths of their pre-conscious mind, and that might be the spark that ignites a larger fire years later, when they are finally disillusioned about the world.  The other real possibility is that some kids might begin practicing their faith despite their parents lack of fidelity, and if that should happen, it will not be because of anything we did, but because of graced moments during those classes. 

So, as Mother Theresa says, the Lord calls us to be faithful, not successful.  Success is God's problem, not ours; fidelity to teaching is our task.  We ought not to concern ourselves with what their parents are doing or not doing.  In the end, God's grace is God's grace. — Deacon Douglas McManaman

Response #2:

This is an issue my friend Barbara deals with every year with RCIA candidates.  She consults frequently with Fr. Joe and then has to hand it over to the parish priest who has the responsibility to make the decision (even though she expresses her concerns to him). 

What I can speak to is the comparison with teaching RE to high school students.  Laura is living in a paradise if 80% of her kids and families are on side!!!

At later grades the % is exactly reversed. 

It would help her if she saw her situation in supernatural terms — she is there primarily to become holy, not to get all of the children and parents to be perfectly practicing Catholics (impossible; Jesus couldn't do it). 

And becoming holy requires carrying a cross.  This is hers.  She just needs to offer all her suffering up for them. 

And be a person who the kids and parents really like, even if they don't like Jesus (enough to go to Mass).  She must guard against appearing frustrated or short tempered with them, and always be cheerful and fun. 

Gr.  2's are very impressionable.  Who knows?  Maybe in the long term, the kids who weren't on side but come away with a positive impression of the class as a whole will be better Catholics in 30 years than the others who seemed perfect. 

The bottom line she should frequently remind herself of is that they are ultimately in God's hands, not hers.  He'll take care of them. 

And not to worry — it's not her or the DRE's responsibility.  It's the pastor's. 

And she is not sinning by allowing the kids to receive communion.  She even might be if she didn't, because they would be deprived of that grace at least once. 

And she should allow herself to be consoled by the fact that every RE teacher has this experience.  It can be helpful to sometimes get together with other teachers in a similar situation to have a glass of wine, vent a bit, and then get back at it. — Peter Nation