True Love Character Test: An Essential Aid to Finding Real Love

THOMAS LICKONA

This activity will help you look more objectively at the character of someone you feel romantically attracted to.

A truly loving relationship, one based on mutual respect and caring, requires good character.  This test will help you look objectively at the character of a person you're romantically attracted to or involved with — and decide whether it is wise to pursue this relationship.  Even one character problem in an important area may be a sign that a relationship isn't healthy and may bring unhappiness.


  1. Is this person kind and considerate to me and people in general?

                                      Yes                  No


  2. Does this person ever shove, shake, hit, threaten, verbally abuse, or in other ways bully me?  or in other ways bully me?

                                      Yes                  No


  3. Is this person self-centered, always expecting to get his or her own way?

                                      Yes                  No


  4. Does this person bring out the best in me — do I feel happy after spending time together?

                                      Yes                  No


  5. Does this person respect my values, including my sexual values, and never pressure me to do something I think is wrong?

                                      Yes                  No


  6. Is this person overly jealous and possessive — keeping me from spending time with my family and/or friends?

                                      Yes                  No


  7. Does this person lie or cheat, so that I can't trust him or her?

                                      Yes                  No


  8. Does this person make poor decisions?

                                      Yes                  No


  9. Is this person dependable — someone who keeps commitments?

                                      Yes                  No


  10. Does this person use illegal drugs or abuse alcohol?

                                      Yes                  No


  11. Use pornography?

                                      Yes                  No


  12. Does this person treat my family and friends, and his or her family and friends, with respect?

                                      Yes                  No


  13. Does this person bad-mouth people behind their backs?

                                      Yes                  No



  14. Does this person get angry a lot?

                                      Yes                  No


  15. When there's a problem or conflict, does this person talk about it and try to work things out?

                                      Yes                  No


  16. Does this person sincerely apologize when he or she has done something wrong?

                                      Yes                  No


  17. Is this person forgiving — able to make up quickly after an argument?

                                      Yes                  No


  18. If faith is important in my life, does this person share or at least respect that?

                                      Yes                  No


  19. Would I be proud to call this person my husband or wife?

                                      Yes                  No


  20. Would this person be a good role model for my children — an example of good character?  Would I want my kids to grow up to be like him/her?

                                      Yes                  No


 

Additional Resources on Sex, Love, and Character

From the Center for the 4th and 5th Rs
Free resources include articles, research, talks, quotes, and lists of programs and organizations.

Sample articles:

"10 Emotional Dangers of Premature Sexual Involvement" and
"Educating for Character in the Sexual Domain."

 

 

 



ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Thomas Lickona. "True Love Character Test: An Essential Aid to Finding Real Love." excellence & ethics (Winter/Spring 2014).

Reprinted with permission. excellence & ethics is an education letter published by the Center for the 4th and 5th Rs. It features articles, research, and K-12 best practices that help school leaders, teachers, students, parents, and community members do their best work (performance character) and do the right thing (moral character).

excellence & ethics is published once a year. To receive subsequent issues by email at no cost, subscribe here. To see back issues, click here.

THE AUTHOR

Thomas Lickona is a developmental psychologist and professor of education at the State University of New York at Cortland. He is the author of Character Matters: How to Help Our Children Develop Good Judgment, Integrity, and Other Essential Virtues and the Christopher Award-winning book Educating for Character. He has also written Raising Good Children and co-authored Sex, Love and You. Thomas Lickona was instrumental in development of the Center for the Fourth and Fifth Rs. He is on the Advisory Board of the Catholic Education Resource Center.

Copyright © 2014 Center for the 4th & 5th Rs




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Not all articles published on CERC are the objects of official Church teaching, but these are supplied to provide supplementary information.